So this is the first draft, 98% complete. Still needs some action slugs in there and at least an editing down, but the jist of the story is there. No more changes to characters or themes (if anything, I'll remove secondary characters).
Don't have time to write character bios or a synopsis yet, but I'll get to that soon. Please excuses some of the formatting, I dont know what happened between cutting and pasting that has warped my text.
Ext. Redfern street- 1936...ish. early afternoon
Light sunbeams shine down on the dark sepia payments of a Redfern street. A gentle shower has previously fallen, with puddles of water randomly detail the paved road. A Ford Model 48 rolls slowly down the street.
The street is lined with run down terrace houses that sit amost at the road line. At the end of the street, seperating the houses, sits a modest block of sloped grass land. A couple of small rabbits kick a footy around, laughing and playing.
At the top of the grassy mound sits a one level house where Raymond, a stocky, middle-aged rabbit repairs a few broken floor boards.
NORTON (os)
You there! Rabbit! How much?
RAYMOND looks up to find a rather tall, well built, well dressed rooster standing at the bottom of the porch stairs.
RAYMOND
I’m Sorry?
NORTON
Look I don’t have all day. How much for your property?
Raymond
Mate, I don’t know where you’ve gotten your info from, but my property isn’t for sale.
NORTON
Yes, I know it isn’t for sale. But you see rabbit, I own almost all the property in this street, except yours. So now I’m here to buy it.
Raymond
Yeah, well, as I’ve already said, it’s not for sale so if you don’t mind mate...
RAYMOND goes back to repairing the front porch. As RAYMOND hammers away, NORTON reaches into his coat pocket and plus out a small stack of casino chips, which he proceeds to mindlessly fiddle with in his feathery hand.
NORTON
I wouldn’t bother with that rabbit; it’s due for demolition after I acquire your property.
raymond
Well mate, I’d hate to spoil your plans but I grew up here, I’ve raised my family here, my children play footy with the neighbor’s kids on my front lawn, and we have the best view of Redfern oval a Bunny supporter could want...
NORTON
Listen Rabbit!
NORTON drops his casino chips on the porch, grabs RAYMOND’s collar and pulls him in close.
...You land is worth a lot of money to me. I knock your dump down, level the land and 6 Terraces go in. You either sign that lease or...
Big Rabbit (o.s)
Oy! You got a problem Rooster?!
NORTON looks up to find RAYMOND’s neighbours have arrived looking quite concerned at NORTON’s threats towards RAYMOND. Several large Rabbits move to the front wearing Football Jerseys, obviously from the local team.
NORTON
You’re everywhere aren’t you? Just like vermin.
Raymond
Nah mate, they’re called friends. You should try it; you might not be such a bastard.
NORTON
Oh, a Funny Bunny. But I bet kicking your friends out on the street would wipe away your buck- toothed grin!
RAYMOND
You can’t do that!
NORTON
Then sign over the deed!
RAYMOND looks over at the small crowd of his neighbors, a sad look on his face. Looking down, he notices the small pile of Casino chips NORTON had previously dropped. RAYMOND slowly smiles.
RAYMOND
Tell you what...you can have my land for free if you want to make a bet...
NORTON
A bet? What sort of bet?
RAYMOND
I heard on the wireless you fancy yourself as a fighter?
Fancy, nothing! I was the Eastern Suburbs Cock fighting champion of ’34 and ’35.
Raymond
You beat anyone of these blokes here and I turn my land over, no questions asked and you make your fortune. But if you lose...
NORTON
*Humph!*
Raymond
...I keep my land, these blokes and their families continue to live in their homes and you stay out of Redfern.
NORTON
It’s a bet.
NORTON looks over the rabbits in the crowd. From his point of view we see a number of rather large rabbits in football jerseys, singlets and overalls. He pauses and glances down at quite obviously the smallest rabbit there.
NORTON
Him.
RAYMOND’S SON
Daddy, he’ll hurt Little Russell...
RAYMOND
It’s ok son...
RAYMOND turns to NORTON
RAYMOND
Nah mate, no deal, he’s...
NORTON
It’s him or the bet’s off.
RAYMOND
...alright, but you’d better go into the alley. I don’t want the kids to see this.
NORTON and the small Rabbit go into the alley. Suddenly, the alley is full of commotion; the sound of bottles breaking, trash cans being kicked over, punches and distressed rooster crows flood the street.
As feathers fly out of the alley, RAYMOND’S SON tugs on RAYMOND’s pants.
RAYMOND’s SON
How did you know Little Russell would be ok?
RAYMOND
Son, it’s not the size of the rabbit in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the rabbit.
big rabbit
Well that and Little Russell has Rabies...
RAYMOND winks and raises his finger to his lips
RAymond
Shh...
The locals laugh and the sun begins to fade across the Roofs of the Terrace Houses. White feather flutter into the wind.
END
1 comment:
Hey Paul, I absolutely love this script! I am totally sympathetic at the changes that have had to be made on this project, but this is turning into a great little piece on it's own. I so LOVE the back and forth banter between the characters. The scenes really played out well in my head and I'm hoping I can express them through some of the storyboards I intend to do this weekend.
One thing, about the ending. I don't mind it at all, but maybe think the part where the big fella mentions the rabies is a bit too much in it's exposition.
Perhaps he could start the sentence and Raymond cuts him off with the shushing.
EG:
Big Rabbit: "Well that, and Little Russell has..."
Raymond: "Shh!"
I am not even sure you need much more in there. It seems to flow really well already.
Perhaps email it to Andi if we can't get an appointment with her earlier in the week. See what she says. Surely she'll like this one - it's so much more close to home, and we both feel a connection to the story. You with your roots, and me with my current living situation as I explained to you in class yesterday.
There's so much for potential for a wonderful animation here!!
*is excited*
Awesome work mate!! Chat to ya soon :D
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