Blog entry:
Ok, basically, I don’t have internet access at home as Ive spent the entire holiday moving house and working to pay bills, bond and rent i.e.: Life…
So this is just a layout of where I’m at with the project. Amanda and I had a meeting with Andi during week 3 to get her thoughts on the project.
Now, coming from that meeting, I jotted down the follow notes:
I still would like to keep a similar theme to the current story I have- part of this short film intention was to pay respect to the films that I grew up watching and enjoyed regardless of what current fad I was into when growing up.
“The Sting” was a big influence in this project in particular, but questions have been raised by Andi in regards to “What is the core of the film”?
Basically, I didn’t really have one. I wanted to attempt some character animation, interesting storyboards, concepts that I would enjoy animating and a story with a twist at the end. I guess it’s important to have an emotional attachment to work, or have a “core” or a “what is the film trying to say?” element to it, but in my stress-filled and busy life, I only have time to get the work done, pay the bills, meet deadlines, sleep and spend time (what little is left :P) with my girlfriend. I hope to entertain. That was my core.
Basically, I was told the Lion and Zebra conflict is essence was good and interesting in it’s back and forth structure, but apparently cliché’.
Also, the 1930’s Chicago gangster look is a little cliché too. (although I tried to stay away from Gangsters in the script, I guess it’s still based in the “Untouchables” era.).
Lastly, the story apparently falls flat at the end- I’m guessing that perhaps the gag where the lion is suddenly killed mid rampage by a polite little creature was lost in translation- could be my fault in the script writing, and it may be something that would come across later in the storyboarding / animating process…?
So where to from here?
My 2D post production lecturer suggested perhaps a different approach to the narrative or structure, such as something like “Memento” or closer to animation, the short film “Ring of Fire”. (then again, “Ring of Fire” was very surreal, and I had only a vague idea as to what was going on)
Basically, long story short; I lost motivation on the entire idea. I hate the fact that I did all these script drafts over the holidays and wasted time doing all these different concept drawings for characters to be told it’s been done before, try something else.
As I said, I just wanted to tell a nice story, despite people telling me I should be pushing myself to tell more. That’s great, but when you’re someone like me who is very taxed for time, who is under stress due to lack of time to accomplish work and who has to constantly assess every little task that has to be done in fear of not getting something else done or missing a deadline, or getting too many overdue bills or forgetting to eat or upsetting my girlfriend because I cant spend any quality time with her….my point is anything undertaken which turns into a waste of time for me is very frustrating and doesn’t help my stress levels. I just want to get a piece of high quality work out so I can have a decent chance of getting a job. “Nuff said. I don’t want to get tied up in a philososphy or ideal when I just want to entertain and have something to show at the end.
Anyways, I’ve gotten off track, but hopefully you can see my motivation. But I have made some minor changes which will hopefully help preserve some of my work and save time doing an entire re-write.
Basically, after throwing around the ideas of role switching (zebra the dirty cop, lion the bartender) and maybe either eradicating the scorpion (but destroying the twist) or introducing the scorpion at the beginning (preserving the twist, but still stick with the “clichés”) I decided the following:
The story is based in roughly the 1930’s in Redfern- Lower class district of South Sydney. This will help preserve some of the look, feel and costume ideas taken from ‘The Sting” but with a depression era Australia feel.
The main characters will be a rabbit from Redfern and either a Sea eagle from richer Manly area or a Rooster, also from the upper class of Valcluse/rose bay Eastern surburbs area. (playing on the traditional rivalries of Rugby league in the areas.)
My father and his father grew up in Redfern and we have a strong anti-manly/anti-east sediment that I would like to play on in the film (inspired not only from my pop but from the doco “Fibros vs silvertails” which tells of the rivalry and class arguments between manly and wests in the late 1970’s). I also wish to touch on the toughness f the depression era and also the class differences. But still wanting the light-heartedness of the Sting, which comes across in the characterization and the music. (I don’t want it to preach and I don’t want it to be morbid)
Basically I want the rabbit to be a battler. Not a wise cracker or wacky like bugs bunny, but still humourous and sarcastic to the eagle (most likely) in regards to the situation (either the eagle is the landlord wanting overdue rent/increased the rent on the rabbit, the rabbit just trying to raise his family or owns a shop or a corner store or he’s a street vendor…and maybe the rabbit organized a bounty, or placed a bet to off the eagle, or outsmarts him somehow…)
Anyways, you get the idea. A little more Australian tale, with only a hint of football references in it. I would like the colour of the film to be mainly sepia, but elements of the character to have muted colouring based on the tradition colours of the club i.e.: Red and green for the rabbit and maroon/brown and white for the eagle (or red, white and blue for the rooster). Anyways, more on this idea during the week when I get some concept art posted, a script/outline written and consulted Amanda.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
New Concept Art-Project 1
Just a selection of concept scribble I've been working on- Just Basic Setting ideas (nothing concrete), and some style changes to the two main chracters Norton and Sedrick.
Thanks to Paul Dini's/Chip Kidd's "Batman: Animated" book, I made some slight changes to the look of mainly Norton. Actually, it came from the fact that I had trouble reporducing the design I gave norton initially, and I was worried it looked too much like "The Lion King" whn in actual fact, I didnt want my characters looking like those characters.
With a few adjustments, I got something that I can at least be happy drawing until I begin to further simplify before animating time.
Norton's look is inspired by Bruce Timm's first rendition of the Joker for th Batman Animated series- mainly it's the eyes, with a hair line I borrowed from John Romita Jr's "Punisher WarZone" comic. Im doing my best to give him a few emotions here without busting up the lion facial structure, but trying to make it more human-looking for all intensiver purposes (I just couldnt draw the other style in different angles without producing weird rsults- probably 'casue I couldnt draw it period :P)
Sedrick is a little harder because , well, he looks like a horse... so I have to do some further study and play around to get his face working.
Anyways, here they come, more to come (maybe...I pitch the idea tomorrow...it could very well tank) , stay tuned.
Saturday, March 8, 2008
5th Draft- Animation Project
Yeah...another draft...
Basically, I sat down last night to read thru the script as I hadn't really had a chance to read it thru since I typed the 4th draft last week (?). As the 4th Draft was an exercise in culling and moving things around, I found that when reading it back, a few sentences didnt make sense or there were little things I wanted the characters to say for their characterisation to come across.
Rather than me jibber thru this to explain it, I'll just post draft 5 so you can read it and see. It still sits arouind the 3-4 minute mark- the first page is really a desciption of the saloon and the street which I felt was a little lacking but in the actual film, I hope to get the establishing shots out of the way to get into the conflict of the piece. I tried to also incorporate the cocktail umbrella at the start of the piece as I felt when reading thru last night, the line was not relavent but I wanted to point out how somall this guy actually was who whacked the big bad lion.
Anyways, see what you think (Im trying, ok, don't be mean :P)
Characters:
Norton
Sedrick
Rhino
Scorpion
Synopsis:
Norton Lyons is the local Lieutenant in downtown 1930’s Chicago. Norton is crooked, and being a lion, he prey on the weak in the form of racketeering. Sedrick the Zebra, the local bar owner is tired of Norton’s standover tactics so he decide to put a bounty out on Norton’s head.
Norton catches wind of the plan and decides to confront Sedrick in his Bar, believing that being at the top of the food chain means he runs the place, and tells Sedrick nothing will change that, regardless of how big an animal might be who may try to claim the reward.
However, Norton finds out that sometimes it’s not always the bigger animal that wins in the wild.
EXT. “Grasslands Saloon”- Downtown Chicago 1936- late Night
Pouring rain hammers down onto the cold dark pavements of downtown Chicago. The shadows are dark and the street is a criss-cross of horizontal and vertical shapes, which are caused by the above ground train line that covers the road. The streets are deserted, apart from the odd car driving quietly through the down pour.
In the vague blackness of the night, faint light can be seen coming from the doorway to a saloon, located in a small alleyway at the bottom of a run down building.
The name of the saloon, “Grasslands Saloon” is painted in a faded green at the side of the doorway across the brickwork.
Int. “Grasslands Saloon”- Downtown Chicago 1936- late Night
The bar is quiet with a smokey haze, which circles around the low hanging orange lights. The walls surrounding the entrance of the bar resemble that of a basement, with water pipes running across the brick work. The main walls of the bar are decorated with framed sporting pictures. The inner architecture is constructed from thick wooden beams with tables and chairs running parallel to the wall facing the bar.
SEDRICK, a middle-aged Zebra who owns the saloon, wipes over the bar top from behind the counter. He looks up and smiles at the laughing and camaraderie being shared by the other animals.
Suddenly, a Dark Figure appears standing in the Doorway of the Bar. Water drips from his jacket. The conversations die and all that can be heard is the rain. The dark figure is LT. NORTON LYONS, and all the animals seemed rattled at his sudden appearance.
SEDRICK seems initially shaken, but quickly composes himself and continues cleaning.
Sedrick
I thought cats didn’t like water
The Animals in the Bar are shocked at SEDRICK’s boldness. NORTON is not amused.
SEDRICK
Oh, I’m sorry... here, Kitty.
SEDRICK places a saucer of Milk down on the bar top. He then pulls a Coctail Umbrella from behind the bar, holds it over his head as if to pretend to shield himself from the rain, and places it on the edge of the saucer.
The animals laugh, NORTON is still cold, but then smiles slightly.
Norton
Funny, Horse. I’ve got one for you.
SEDRICK eyes NORTON off as NORTON disappears from the doorway.
NORTON appears suddenly in the doorway, holding up a beaten chimpanzee by the wrist.
Norton
How about, “Look what the Cat dragged in”!
SEDRICK’s eyes widen as NORTON throws the Chimpanzee, where he comes crashing down onto the top of a nearby table, scattering beer glasses and furniture.
Blood and drool trickles from the chimpanzee’s mouth. He is barley breathing.
SEDRICK
You son of a Bitch!...
NORTON
(Interrupting)
Shut up Sedrick! You know why I’m here.
SEDRICK is suddenly taken aback.
SEDRICK
You...I, I don’t know what you’re talking about.
NORTON
Really? I was shaking down the monkey here and found this...
NORTON pulls out a wet, blood spattered piece of paper from his coat.
... “Reward.5 grand for the fella who rubs out Lieutenant Norton Lyons. Head to Sedrick’s”.
NORTON screws up the flyer and tosses it at the out cold chimp.
...You gotta problem with how I run things ‘round here, pony?
SEDRICK
Dirty Cops running rackets like Gangsters, preying on folks trying to earn an honest living...yeah, I gotta big problem.
NORTON
Oh I get it, the local hero, ey?
You think ‘cause you lived in brown grass and were given black and white stripes for camouflage that the world owes you a break, huh?
Well let me tell you something; you’re prey my friend, and I sit on top of the food chain; And you and your grass eating friends are all under me; that’s how it is and that’s they way it’s gonna stay.
SEDRICK
I ‘m not scared of you no more, things will change.
NORTON
How? By putting a prize for my head? He’d wanna be a big dumb animal to try...
A RHINO, who had been viewing the proceedings from the corner of the room, appears behind NORTON. The RHINO glares at NORTON, showing unwavering disdain.
NORTON
Well you’re a little bigger than I thought...
RHINO
(Growling)
Puuuudddddeeeee taaaaaaat!
NORTON smiles a wicked smile as he turns to walk away, suddenly he spins, punching the RHINO in the stomach followed by a slash to the RHINO’s face with his claws. The RHINO crashes to the floor. NORTON turns to SEDRICK.
Norton
Dirty Cop or not, Trying to have me killed...I’m gonna make certain you see the inside of a Body Bag.
Before NORTON can lunge towards SEDRICK, NORTON pauses, his eyes widen and his head jolts. He clutches his heart and with one last gasp for air, he collapse in a heap on the floor.
The animals in the bar slowly pear over to where NORTON lies. Quiet shuffling can be heard coming from under NORTON’s body until suddenly, a tiny scorpion scurries out and crawls onto the top of the bar to face SEDRICK, who stares at him dumbfounded.
SCORPION
Umm, dreadfully sorry about that. He was rather loud, wasn’t he?
The SCORPION pulls out a small folded piece of paper from his jacket, and unwraps it to reveal a copy of the NORTON flyer. He shows it to SEDRICK.
...Do you mind if you write me a cheque? All those notes would be a terrible strain on my back.
Sedrick
(Smiling)
Err, yeah. Certainly, sir
SCORPION
Could I also trouble you for that cocktail umbrella?
It’s rather wet outside.
END
Basically, I sat down last night to read thru the script as I hadn't really had a chance to read it thru since I typed the 4th draft last week (?). As the 4th Draft was an exercise in culling and moving things around, I found that when reading it back, a few sentences didnt make sense or there were little things I wanted the characters to say for their characterisation to come across.
Rather than me jibber thru this to explain it, I'll just post draft 5 so you can read it and see. It still sits arouind the 3-4 minute mark- the first page is really a desciption of the saloon and the street which I felt was a little lacking but in the actual film, I hope to get the establishing shots out of the way to get into the conflict of the piece. I tried to also incorporate the cocktail umbrella at the start of the piece as I felt when reading thru last night, the line was not relavent but I wanted to point out how somall this guy actually was who whacked the big bad lion.
Anyways, see what you think (Im trying, ok, don't be mean :P)
Characters:
Norton
Sedrick
Rhino
Scorpion
Synopsis:
Norton Lyons is the local Lieutenant in downtown 1930’s Chicago. Norton is crooked, and being a lion, he prey on the weak in the form of racketeering. Sedrick the Zebra, the local bar owner is tired of Norton’s standover tactics so he decide to put a bounty out on Norton’s head.
Norton catches wind of the plan and decides to confront Sedrick in his Bar, believing that being at the top of the food chain means he runs the place, and tells Sedrick nothing will change that, regardless of how big an animal might be who may try to claim the reward.
However, Norton finds out that sometimes it’s not always the bigger animal that wins in the wild.
EXT. “Grasslands Saloon”- Downtown Chicago 1936- late Night
Pouring rain hammers down onto the cold dark pavements of downtown Chicago. The shadows are dark and the street is a criss-cross of horizontal and vertical shapes, which are caused by the above ground train line that covers the road. The streets are deserted, apart from the odd car driving quietly through the down pour.
In the vague blackness of the night, faint light can be seen coming from the doorway to a saloon, located in a small alleyway at the bottom of a run down building.
The name of the saloon, “Grasslands Saloon” is painted in a faded green at the side of the doorway across the brickwork.
Int. “Grasslands Saloon”- Downtown Chicago 1936- late Night
The bar is quiet with a smokey haze, which circles around the low hanging orange lights. The walls surrounding the entrance of the bar resemble that of a basement, with water pipes running across the brick work. The main walls of the bar are decorated with framed sporting pictures. The inner architecture is constructed from thick wooden beams with tables and chairs running parallel to the wall facing the bar.
SEDRICK, a middle-aged Zebra who owns the saloon, wipes over the bar top from behind the counter. He looks up and smiles at the laughing and camaraderie being shared by the other animals.
Suddenly, a Dark Figure appears standing in the Doorway of the Bar. Water drips from his jacket. The conversations die and all that can be heard is the rain. The dark figure is LT. NORTON LYONS, and all the animals seemed rattled at his sudden appearance.
SEDRICK seems initially shaken, but quickly composes himself and continues cleaning.
Sedrick
I thought cats didn’t like water
The Animals in the Bar are shocked at SEDRICK’s boldness. NORTON is not amused.
SEDRICK
Oh, I’m sorry... here, Kitty.
SEDRICK places a saucer of Milk down on the bar top. He then pulls a Coctail Umbrella from behind the bar, holds it over his head as if to pretend to shield himself from the rain, and places it on the edge of the saucer.
The animals laugh, NORTON is still cold, but then smiles slightly.
Norton
Funny, Horse. I’ve got one for you.
SEDRICK eyes NORTON off as NORTON disappears from the doorway.
NORTON appears suddenly in the doorway, holding up a beaten chimpanzee by the wrist.
Norton
How about, “Look what the Cat dragged in”!
SEDRICK’s eyes widen as NORTON throws the Chimpanzee, where he comes crashing down onto the top of a nearby table, scattering beer glasses and furniture.
Blood and drool trickles from the chimpanzee’s mouth. He is barley breathing.
SEDRICK
You son of a Bitch!...
NORTON
(Interrupting)
Shut up Sedrick! You know why I’m here.
SEDRICK is suddenly taken aback.
SEDRICK
You...I, I don’t know what you’re talking about.
NORTON
Really? I was shaking down the monkey here and found this...
NORTON pulls out a wet, blood spattered piece of paper from his coat.
... “Reward.5 grand for the fella who rubs out Lieutenant Norton Lyons. Head to Sedrick’s”.
NORTON screws up the flyer and tosses it at the out cold chimp.
...You gotta problem with how I run things ‘round here, pony?
SEDRICK
Dirty Cops running rackets like Gangsters, preying on folks trying to earn an honest living...yeah, I gotta big problem.
NORTON
Oh I get it, the local hero, ey?
You think ‘cause you lived in brown grass and were given black and white stripes for camouflage that the world owes you a break, huh?
Well let me tell you something; you’re prey my friend, and I sit on top of the food chain; And you and your grass eating friends are all under me; that’s how it is and that’s they way it’s gonna stay.
SEDRICK
I ‘m not scared of you no more, things will change.
NORTON
How? By putting a prize for my head? He’d wanna be a big dumb animal to try...
A RHINO, who had been viewing the proceedings from the corner of the room, appears behind NORTON. The RHINO glares at NORTON, showing unwavering disdain.
NORTON
Well you’re a little bigger than I thought...
RHINO
(Growling)
Puuuudddddeeeee taaaaaaat!
NORTON smiles a wicked smile as he turns to walk away, suddenly he spins, punching the RHINO in the stomach followed by a slash to the RHINO’s face with his claws. The RHINO crashes to the floor. NORTON turns to SEDRICK.
Norton
Dirty Cop or not, Trying to have me killed...I’m gonna make certain you see the inside of a Body Bag.
Before NORTON can lunge towards SEDRICK, NORTON pauses, his eyes widen and his head jolts. He clutches his heart and with one last gasp for air, he collapse in a heap on the floor.
The animals in the bar slowly pear over to where NORTON lies. Quiet shuffling can be heard coming from under NORTON’s body until suddenly, a tiny scorpion scurries out and crawls onto the top of the bar to face SEDRICK, who stares at him dumbfounded.
SCORPION
Umm, dreadfully sorry about that. He was rather loud, wasn’t he?
The SCORPION pulls out a small folded piece of paper from his jacket, and unwraps it to reveal a copy of the NORTON flyer. He shows it to SEDRICK.
...Do you mind if you write me a cheque? All those notes would be a terrible strain on my back.
Sedrick
(Smiling)
Err, yeah. Certainly, sir
SCORPION
Could I also trouble you for that cocktail umbrella?
It’s rather wet outside.
END
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Animatic assessment-2007 and how it relates to my project
This was my animatic for my Preproduction assessment 2007.
What's this doing here, you ask?
Well, I did ok on this assessment, and basically I wanted to highlight my attempt to create a mood/feeling within the panels- thou it's just scribble, I attempted to covey light/shade. I find the use of light/shade to be appealing as a composition tool and a chracter developing tool.
Same thing I tried with the Cult Fiction Comic pages below- The shading (hopefully) evokes a particular mood within the panel (and the surrounding panel composition too), to give something interesting for the eye to look at (and for the eye to follow along), and bring things forward and backwards in the compositional frame.
...but once again, let me stress the point I'm not an expert , I'm only learning and experimenting to find something I'm happy with. Sometimes the lighting changes slightly (in both the animatic and comic), but even Klaus Janson of Marvel and DC comic fame says something like it's sometimes better to do something that is asthetically appealling over something that may be correct but looks dull on the page in terms of it's relation to the other panels (something like that). Basically, I thought it'd look better :P
More concept art for project to come, but first I have to convince my lecturers tomorrow that I really want to do this and that it's worth doing.
Fingers Crossed.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Final Pencils for CFCA "Sea Dragon/BlueFlyer"
Just my last pages for the Seadragon/Blue Flyer issue. Initially a 12 pager, CFCA are looking to extend it to a longer issue shortly.
Anyways, I have previously posted pages 6,7 and 8, so please find below 9, 10 11, 12 and the possible cover page. My main focus was composition and layout, and making sure each panel was not only interesting to look at, but told the story and moved the viewer's eye though the page.
I realise I failed some of this in some of these pages, but the beauty for doing freelance work for Kevin at Cult Fiction comics is that he gives you free reign to move at your own pace and experiment with the layouts.
Possible Cover
Page 10
Anyways, I have previously posted pages 6,7 and 8, so please find below 9, 10 11, 12 and the possible cover page. My main focus was composition and layout, and making sure each panel was not only interesting to look at, but told the story and moved the viewer's eye though the page.
I realise I failed some of this in some of these pages, but the beauty for doing freelance work for Kevin at Cult Fiction comics is that he gives you free reign to move at your own pace and experiment with the layouts.
Possible Cover
Page 9
Page 10
Page 11
Page 12 - the bottom section has been accidently cropped.
With all the pages above you can click to view larger- the little x's mean that that area is to be filled in black by the inker- although most times I shade it in anyway just so I can see by squintling if the composition and relation to tonal values is going to work or not.
I'm hoping to incorporate some superhero animation into my portfoilo for end of year.
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Rough Concept Art for Project
These are just some ealry concepts for the film. (apart from the early storyboard panels that can be seen in a january post (forget which one :P)
Fiddling with early costume/looks. Form here I decided it was best to learn how to draw lions :P
Early Sedrick stuff- will play with this later.
Truthfully, I did wonder if I should do a human- character script: but then I would lose the whole "punchline" and theme of the piece- and it would just look like "The Sting".
Fiddling with early costume/looks. Form here I decided it was best to learn how to draw lions :P
Scorpion drawings- Wanted to make him cute and non-threatening in appearance.
Early Sedrick stuff- will play with this later. Sketches of costumes from "The Sting"- Basically wanted to get an array of different hats, angles of hats, suit styles of different characters; just so I can whack some stuff on the animals later.
Truthfully, I did wonder if I should do a human- character script: but then I would lose the whole "punchline" and theme of the piece- and it would just look like "The Sting". 
Liked the bottom left sketch for a character look...
Quick b/g concept for an establishment shot. Work on Backgrounds later.
Concept idea for Norton, the one above looks a bit too realistic. I settled on something like the ones below.
The Norton on the above right was suppose to be smuge looking, but my Girlfriend said he looks dopey...I think we're both right :( I'll work on it.
Early Rough rejected Norton concepts Below
Early concepts for the Rhino: He looks rougher in the blue collar gear than the suit...may give him the Robert Redford Cap ...
Rough designs for Chimp and other bar animals
4th Draft- 1st March 2008
Hopefully, this will make sense. From this draft the major thing I cut was the dialogue and the scene where Johnny (who is now just the Chimp) is beaten for info. Really, for a film that is suppose to be 3 minutes, that original shack down scene in the rain that was in the sceond draft could have been expanded into another short film.
It was then cut to just a small "cut to" scene which I was juggling to fit either before Norton arrives at the bar (chronological to story) or as a retrospect as to what had happened to the chimp before the conflict in the bar. ( as before the establishing shot of downtown 1930's chicago, but I thought in the end, the E.S was more important and hopefully the dialogue fills in the blanks.- Plus it follows the "story before the film" aspect I liked about 'American Gangster'.
plus I thought there was too much stuff taking up screen time before the film got to the "adrenaline moment" where the chimp is tossed into the place.
Synopsis:
Norton Lyons is the local Lieutenant in downtown 1930’s Chicago. Norton is crooked, and being a lion, he prey on the weak for a percentage of their profits. Sedrick the Zebra, the local bar owner is tired of Norton’s standover tactics so he decide to put a bounty out on Norton’s head.
Norton catches wind of the plan and decides to confront Sedrick in his Bar, believing that being at the top of the food chain means he can do what he likes, regardless of the other animal’s welfare.
However, Norton finds out the hard way that you can’t always win by being the biggest.
EXT. “Grasslands Saloon”- Downtown Chicago 1936- late Night
Pouring rain hammers down onto the cold dark pavements of a Chicago street. The streets a deserted, apart from the odd car driving quietly through the down pour. In the vague blackness of the night, faint light can be seen peering thru the gap in an old doorway of the bottom section of a rundown three storey building.
The bottom section of the building houses a small public bar. The outside of which is lined with scattered garbage cans and narrow lane ways.
The name of the bar, “Grasslands Saloon” is painted in a faded green at the side of the doorway across the brickwork.
Int. “Grasslands Saloon”- Downtown Chicago 1936- late Night
The bar is quiet with a smokey haze, which circles around the dim orange lights that hang low. The inner architecture of the bar is constructed from thick wooden beams with tables and chairs set out in no particular order. Booths line the brick interior wall. Dry grass is scattered across the floor.
SEDRICK the bar owner wipes over the bar and smiles at the laughing and camaraderie being shared in the bar.
Suddenly, NORTON is standing in the Doorway of the Bar, water drips from his jacket. The conversations die and all that can be heard is the rain.
Sedrick
I thought cats didn’t like water
Animals in the bar laugh. NORTON eyes off the animals, the laughter stops.
Norton
Funny, Horse. I’ve got one for you.
SEDRICK eyes NORTON off as NORTON disappears from the doorway.
NORTON appears suddenly in the doorway, holding up a beaten chimpanzee by the wrist.
Norton
How about, “Look what the Cat dragged in”!
SEDRICK’s eyes widen as NORTON tosses the Chimp, where he comes crashing down onto the top of a nearby table, scattering beer glasses and furniture.
Blood and drool trickles from the chimpanzee’s mouth. He is barley breathing.
SEDRICK
You son of a Bitch! What the hell do you think you’re...
NORTON
(Interrupting)
Shut up Sedrick! Word on the street is you’re trying to have me rubbed out.
SEDRICK is suddenly taken aback.
SEDRICK
You...I, I don’t know what you’re talking about.
NORTON
Really? I was shaking down the monkey here and found this...
NORTON pulls out a wet, blood spattered piece of paper from his coat.
... “Reward.5 grand for the fella who bumps off Norton Lyons. Head to Sedrick’s”.
NORTON screws up the flyer and tosses it at the out cold chimp.
...got something to say pony?
SEDRICK
I, I say bumping off Dirty cops that parade around like gangsters would be doing the community a great service.
NORTON
Oh I get it, the local hero, ey?
You think ‘cause you lived in brown grass and were given black and white stripes for camouflage that the world owes you a break, huh?
Well let me tell you something; you’re prey my friend, and I sit on top of the food chain- you and your grass eating friends sit under me; that’s how it is and that’s they way it’s gonna stay. And if you think some big miracle is going to come along, see your pretty flyer and change that, you’re wrong.
A RHINO, who had been viewing the proceedings from the corner of the room, stands up and approaches NORTON. The RHINO glares at NORTON, showing unwavering disdain.
NORTON
Let me guess, you saw the pretty flyer.
RHINO
(Growling)
Puuuudddddeeeee taaaaaaat!
NORTON smiles a wicked smile as he turns to walk away, suddenly he spins, punching the RHINO in the stomach followed by a slash to the RHINO’s face with his claws. The RHINO crashes to the floor. NORTON turns to SEDRICK.
Norton
You know what Zebra? All this excitement has made me hungry!
Suddenly NORTON pauses, his eyes widen and his head jolts. He clutches his heart and with one last gasp for air, he collapse in a heap on the floor.
The animals in the bar slowly pear over to where NORTON lies. Quiet shuffling can be heard coming from under NORTON’s body until suddenly, a tiny scorpion scurries out and crawls onto the top of the bar to face SEDRICK, who stares at him dumbfounded.
SCORPION
Umm, dreadfully sorry about that. He was rather loud, wasn’t he?
The SCORPION pulls out a small folded piece of paper from his jacket, and unwraps it to reveal a copy of the NORTON flyer. He shows it to SEDRICK.
...Do you mind if you write me a cheque? I can’t carry too many bills.
Sedrick
Err, yeah. Sure thing.
SCORPION
Could I also trouble you for a cocktail umbrella?
It’s rather wet outside.
END
It was then cut to just a small "cut to" scene which I was juggling to fit either before Norton arrives at the bar (chronological to story) or as a retrospect as to what had happened to the chimp before the conflict in the bar. ( as before the establishing shot of downtown 1930's chicago, but I thought in the end, the E.S was more important and hopefully the dialogue fills in the blanks.- Plus it follows the "story before the film" aspect I liked about 'American Gangster'.
plus I thought there was too much stuff taking up screen time before the film got to the "adrenaline moment" where the chimp is tossed into the place.
Synopsis:
Norton Lyons is the local Lieutenant in downtown 1930’s Chicago. Norton is crooked, and being a lion, he prey on the weak for a percentage of their profits. Sedrick the Zebra, the local bar owner is tired of Norton’s standover tactics so he decide to put a bounty out on Norton’s head.
Norton catches wind of the plan and decides to confront Sedrick in his Bar, believing that being at the top of the food chain means he can do what he likes, regardless of the other animal’s welfare.
However, Norton finds out the hard way that you can’t always win by being the biggest.
EXT. “Grasslands Saloon”- Downtown Chicago 1936- late Night
Pouring rain hammers down onto the cold dark pavements of a Chicago street. The streets a deserted, apart from the odd car driving quietly through the down pour. In the vague blackness of the night, faint light can be seen peering thru the gap in an old doorway of the bottom section of a rundown three storey building.
The bottom section of the building houses a small public bar. The outside of which is lined with scattered garbage cans and narrow lane ways.
The name of the bar, “Grasslands Saloon” is painted in a faded green at the side of the doorway across the brickwork.
Int. “Grasslands Saloon”- Downtown Chicago 1936- late Night
The bar is quiet with a smokey haze, which circles around the dim orange lights that hang low. The inner architecture of the bar is constructed from thick wooden beams with tables and chairs set out in no particular order. Booths line the brick interior wall. Dry grass is scattered across the floor.
SEDRICK the bar owner wipes over the bar and smiles at the laughing and camaraderie being shared in the bar.
Suddenly, NORTON is standing in the Doorway of the Bar, water drips from his jacket. The conversations die and all that can be heard is the rain.
Sedrick
I thought cats didn’t like water
Animals in the bar laugh. NORTON eyes off the animals, the laughter stops.
Norton
Funny, Horse. I’ve got one for you.
SEDRICK eyes NORTON off as NORTON disappears from the doorway.
NORTON appears suddenly in the doorway, holding up a beaten chimpanzee by the wrist.
Norton
How about, “Look what the Cat dragged in”!
SEDRICK’s eyes widen as NORTON tosses the Chimp, where he comes crashing down onto the top of a nearby table, scattering beer glasses and furniture.
Blood and drool trickles from the chimpanzee’s mouth. He is barley breathing.
SEDRICK
You son of a Bitch! What the hell do you think you’re...
NORTON
(Interrupting)
Shut up Sedrick! Word on the street is you’re trying to have me rubbed out.
SEDRICK is suddenly taken aback.
SEDRICK
You...I, I don’t know what you’re talking about.
NORTON
Really? I was shaking down the monkey here and found this...
NORTON pulls out a wet, blood spattered piece of paper from his coat.
... “Reward.5 grand for the fella who bumps off Norton Lyons. Head to Sedrick’s”.
NORTON screws up the flyer and tosses it at the out cold chimp.
...got something to say pony?
SEDRICK
I, I say bumping off Dirty cops that parade around like gangsters would be doing the community a great service.
NORTON
Oh I get it, the local hero, ey?
You think ‘cause you lived in brown grass and were given black and white stripes for camouflage that the world owes you a break, huh?
Well let me tell you something; you’re prey my friend, and I sit on top of the food chain- you and your grass eating friends sit under me; that’s how it is and that’s they way it’s gonna stay. And if you think some big miracle is going to come along, see your pretty flyer and change that, you’re wrong.
A RHINO, who had been viewing the proceedings from the corner of the room, stands up and approaches NORTON. The RHINO glares at NORTON, showing unwavering disdain.
NORTON
Let me guess, you saw the pretty flyer.
RHINO
(Growling)
Puuuudddddeeeee taaaaaaat!
NORTON smiles a wicked smile as he turns to walk away, suddenly he spins, punching the RHINO in the stomach followed by a slash to the RHINO’s face with his claws. The RHINO crashes to the floor. NORTON turns to SEDRICK.
Norton
You know what Zebra? All this excitement has made me hungry!
Suddenly NORTON pauses, his eyes widen and his head jolts. He clutches his heart and with one last gasp for air, he collapse in a heap on the floor.
The animals in the bar slowly pear over to where NORTON lies. Quiet shuffling can be heard coming from under NORTON’s body until suddenly, a tiny scorpion scurries out and crawls onto the top of the bar to face SEDRICK, who stares at him dumbfounded.
SCORPION
Umm, dreadfully sorry about that. He was rather loud, wasn’t he?
The SCORPION pulls out a small folded piece of paper from his jacket, and unwraps it to reveal a copy of the NORTON flyer. He shows it to SEDRICK.
...Do you mind if you write me a cheque? I can’t carry too many bills.
Sedrick
Err, yeah. Sure thing.
SCORPION
Could I also trouble you for a cocktail umbrella?
It’s rather wet outside.
END
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