Basically, I sat down last night to read thru the script as I hadn't really had a chance to read it thru since I typed the 4th draft last week (?). As the 4th Draft was an exercise in culling and moving things around, I found that when reading it back, a few sentences didnt make sense or there were little things I wanted the characters to say for their characterisation to come across.
Rather than me jibber thru this to explain it, I'll just post draft 5 so you can read it and see. It still sits arouind the 3-4 minute mark- the first page is really a desciption of the saloon and the street which I felt was a little lacking but in the actual film, I hope to get the establishing shots out of the way to get into the conflict of the piece. I tried to also incorporate the cocktail umbrella at the start of the piece as I felt when reading thru last night, the line was not relavent but I wanted to point out how somall this guy actually was who whacked the big bad lion.
Anyways, see what you think (Im trying, ok, don't be mean :P)
Characters:
Norton
Sedrick
Rhino
Scorpion
Synopsis:
Norton Lyons is the local Lieutenant in downtown 1930’s Chicago. Norton is crooked, and being a lion, he prey on the weak in the form of racketeering. Sedrick the Zebra, the local bar owner is tired of Norton’s standover tactics so he decide to put a bounty out on Norton’s head.
Norton catches wind of the plan and decides to confront Sedrick in his Bar, believing that being at the top of the food chain means he runs the place, and tells Sedrick nothing will change that, regardless of how big an animal might be who may try to claim the reward.
However, Norton finds out that sometimes it’s not always the bigger animal that wins in the wild.
EXT. “Grasslands Saloon”- Downtown Chicago 1936- late Night
Pouring rain hammers down onto the cold dark pavements of downtown Chicago. The shadows are dark and the street is a criss-cross of horizontal and vertical shapes, which are caused by the above ground train line that covers the road. The streets are deserted, apart from the odd car driving quietly through the down pour.
In the vague blackness of the night, faint light can be seen coming from the doorway to a saloon, located in a small alleyway at the bottom of a run down building.
The name of the saloon, “Grasslands Saloon” is painted in a faded green at the side of the doorway across the brickwork.
Int. “Grasslands Saloon”- Downtown Chicago 1936- late Night
The bar is quiet with a smokey haze, which circles around the low hanging orange lights. The walls surrounding the entrance of the bar resemble that of a basement, with water pipes running across the brick work. The main walls of the bar are decorated with framed sporting pictures. The inner architecture is constructed from thick wooden beams with tables and chairs running parallel to the wall facing the bar.
SEDRICK, a middle-aged Zebra who owns the saloon, wipes over the bar top from behind the counter. He looks up and smiles at the laughing and camaraderie being shared by the other animals.
Suddenly, a Dark Figure appears standing in the Doorway of the Bar. Water drips from his jacket. The conversations die and all that can be heard is the rain. The dark figure is LT. NORTON LYONS, and all the animals seemed rattled at his sudden appearance.
SEDRICK seems initially shaken, but quickly composes himself and continues cleaning.
Sedrick
I thought cats didn’t like water
The Animals in the Bar are shocked at SEDRICK’s boldness. NORTON is not amused.
SEDRICK
Oh, I’m sorry... here, Kitty.
SEDRICK places a saucer of Milk down on the bar top. He then pulls a Coctail Umbrella from behind the bar, holds it over his head as if to pretend to shield himself from the rain, and places it on the edge of the saucer.
The animals laugh, NORTON is still cold, but then smiles slightly.
Norton
Funny, Horse. I’ve got one for you.
SEDRICK eyes NORTON off as NORTON disappears from the doorway.
NORTON appears suddenly in the doorway, holding up a beaten chimpanzee by the wrist.
Norton
How about, “Look what the Cat dragged in”!
SEDRICK’s eyes widen as NORTON throws the Chimpanzee, where he comes crashing down onto the top of a nearby table, scattering beer glasses and furniture.
Blood and drool trickles from the chimpanzee’s mouth. He is barley breathing.
SEDRICK
You son of a Bitch!...
NORTON
(Interrupting)
Shut up Sedrick! You know why I’m here.
SEDRICK is suddenly taken aback.
SEDRICK
You...I, I don’t know what you’re talking about.
NORTON
Really? I was shaking down the monkey here and found this...
NORTON pulls out a wet, blood spattered piece of paper from his coat.
... “Reward.5 grand for the fella who rubs out Lieutenant Norton Lyons. Head to Sedrick’s”.
NORTON screws up the flyer and tosses it at the out cold chimp.
...You gotta problem with how I run things ‘round here, pony?
SEDRICK
Dirty Cops running rackets like Gangsters, preying on folks trying to earn an honest living...yeah, I gotta big problem.
NORTON
Oh I get it, the local hero, ey?
You think ‘cause you lived in brown grass and were given black and white stripes for camouflage that the world owes you a break, huh?
Well let me tell you something; you’re prey my friend, and I sit on top of the food chain; And you and your grass eating friends are all under me; that’s how it is and that’s they way it’s gonna stay.
SEDRICK
I ‘m not scared of you no more, things will change.
NORTON
How? By putting a prize for my head? He’d wanna be a big dumb animal to try...
A RHINO, who had been viewing the proceedings from the corner of the room, appears behind NORTON. The RHINO glares at NORTON, showing unwavering disdain.
NORTON
Well you’re a little bigger than I thought...
RHINO
(Growling)
Puuuudddddeeeee taaaaaaat!
NORTON smiles a wicked smile as he turns to walk away, suddenly he spins, punching the RHINO in the stomach followed by a slash to the RHINO’s face with his claws. The RHINO crashes to the floor. NORTON turns to SEDRICK.
Norton
Dirty Cop or not, Trying to have me killed...I’m gonna make certain you see the inside of a Body Bag.
Before NORTON can lunge towards SEDRICK, NORTON pauses, his eyes widen and his head jolts. He clutches his heart and with one last gasp for air, he collapse in a heap on the floor.
The animals in the bar slowly pear over to where NORTON lies. Quiet shuffling can be heard coming from under NORTON’s body until suddenly, a tiny scorpion scurries out and crawls onto the top of the bar to face SEDRICK, who stares at him dumbfounded.
SCORPION
Umm, dreadfully sorry about that. He was rather loud, wasn’t he?
The SCORPION pulls out a small folded piece of paper from his jacket, and unwraps it to reveal a copy of the NORTON flyer. He shows it to SEDRICK.
...Do you mind if you write me a cheque? All those notes would be a terrible strain on my back.
Sedrick
(Smiling)
Err, yeah. Certainly, sir
SCORPION
Could I also trouble you for that cocktail umbrella?
It’s rather wet outside.
END
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